First, let’s truly outline what we imply after we discuss compatibility: “Compatibility is a pure, easy approach of relating to a different individual and feeling a connection,” licensed {couples}’ therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, lately advised mbg. It isn’t essential to be related to be appropriate, she notes, and in reality compatibility usually stems from two folks having a mechanism for coping with battle within the areas wherein they differ.

“Compatibility in a relationship stems from there being a complementary relationship,” she explains—however that is additionally the place issues get difficult.

In response to Henry, simply because two persons are appropriate or have traits that complement one another “doesn’t all the time imply it’s a wholesome or constructive complementarity.” Typically two folks complement one another in ways in which might not be in a single or each folks’s greatest pursuits.

For instance, she says, “There could also be somebody domineering who finds a companion that’s passive.” This can in all probability assist the 2 of them transfer by conflicts—the domineering individual will merely stroll over the passive individual, who in flip will acquiesce and associate with their companion’s selections. This implies the connection may be capable to final—however it doesn’t essentially imply it ought to.

There are numerous examples of unhealthy compatibility: Narcissists usually hunt down echoists, their self-effacing opposites, who they will extra simply benefit from. An individual who doesn’t give loads in relationships may do nice with somebody who doesn’t ask for lots, masking the previous’s selfishness and the latter’s abandonment points.