A very good listener is ready to be completely current and centered whereas the opposite particular person is speaking. “We might be current by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or provide you with a reply whereas the particular person continues to be speaking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, lately instructed mbg.
To Tuazon’s level, you possibly can let you know’re not truly listening to the opposite particular person if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally interested by what you wish to say in response. In the event you’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, making an attempt to interrupt them to insert your individual feedback—that’s an enormous signal that you simply’re not listening nicely.
Why? As a result of your focus is definitely on getting your individual level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your associate’s level unsuitable), relatively than truly understanding what’s being stated to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the most important marks of an excellent listener.
To know in case you actually perceive your associate’s level, Tuazon suggests making an attempt repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. In the event you can’t repeat what they stated precisely, then you definately weren’t truly listening.
One other nice check for you: After a tense dialog or argument together with your associate (or whoever), see in case you can precisely clarify their perspective to a different particular person—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why have been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular stuff you introduced up?
“Not being current in a dialog can seem like lacking an entire dialog,” she notes. In the event you can’t actually give a play-by-play of their facet of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they stated—in different phrases, your listening abilities might most likely use some work.
